Quick Story

It all started when our predictably heroic hero, Robsebil, woke up in a magical cornfield. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling alarmingly frustrated, Robsebil attacked a banana, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved nexus 7 was missing! Immediately he called his so-called friend, Mist. Robsebil had known Mist for (plus or minus) 153 years, the majority of which were curious ones. Mist was unique. She was plucky though sometimes a little… odd. Robsebil called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Mist picked up to a very happy Robsebil. Mist calmly assured him that most albino cats shudder before mating, yet venomous koalas usually wildly belch *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Robsebil. Why was Mist trying to distract Robsebil? Because she had snuck out from Robsebil’s with the nexus 7 only six days prior. It was a flamboyant little nexus 7… how could she resist?

It didn’t take long before Robsebil got back to the subject at hand: his nexus 7. Mist turned red. Relunctantly, Mist invited him over, assuring him they’d find the nexus 7. Robsebil grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Mist realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the nexus 7 and she had to do it carefully. She figured that if Robsebil took the nappy, busted-out hatchback, she had take at least seven minutes before Robsebil would get there. But if he took the rocket? Then Mist would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Mist was interrupted by six dimwitted badgers that were lured by her nexus 7. Mist panicked; ‘Not again’, she thought. Feeling puzzled, she aimlessly reached for her dull pencil and aggressively stroked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent–the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the imaginery desert, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That’s when she heard the rocket rolling up. It was Robsebil.

—-o0o—-

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald’s to pick up a 12-pack of bananas, so he knew he was running late. With a careful leap, Robsebil was out of the rocket and went exotically jaunting toward Mist’s front door. Meanwhile inside, Mist was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the nexus 7 into a box of dull pencils and then slid the box behind her refrigerator. Mist was angered but at least the nexus 7 was concealed. The doorbell rang.

‘Come in,’ Mist earnestly purred. With a mighty push, Robsebil opened the door. ‘Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling coke fiend in a rice rocket,’ he lied. ‘It’s fine,’ Mist assured him. Robsebil took a seat about two saucy furlongs from where Mist had hidden the nexus 7. Mist cringed trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. ‘Uhh, can I get you anything?’ she blurted. But Robsebil was distracted. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, Mist noticed a oafish look on Robsebil’s face. Robsebil slowly opened his mouth to speak.

‘…What’s that smell?’

Mist felt a stabbing pain in her ear when Robsebil asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the nexus 7 right by her oscillating fan. ‘Wh-what? I don’t smell anything..!’ A lie. A oafish look started to form on Robsebil’s face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. ‘Th-th-those are just my grandma’s ninja stars from when she used to have pet South American hissing sloths. She, uh…dropped ’em by here earlier’. Robsebil nodded with fake acknowledgement…then, before Mist could react, Robsebil thoughtfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The nexus 7 was plainly in view.

Robsebil stared at Mist for what what must’ve been eight nanoseconds. A few unsatisfying minutes later, Mist groped scandalously in Robsebil’s direction, clearly desperate. Robsebil grabbed the nexus 7 and bolted for the door. It was locked. Mist let out a enchanting chuckle. ‘If only you hadn’t been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Robsebil,’ she rebuked. Mist always had been a little oafish, so Robsebil knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Mist did something crazy, like… start chucking dull pencils at her or something. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, he gripped his nexus 7 tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Mist looked on, blankly. ‘What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.’ Silence from Robsebil. ‘And to think, I varnished that window frame three days ago…it never ends!’ Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Robsebil. ‘Oh. You ..okay?’ Still silence. Mist walked over to the window and looked down. Robsebil was gone.

—-o0o—-

Just yonder, Robsebil was struggling to make his way through the foxy forest behind Mist’s place. Robsebil had severely hurt his kidney during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral badgers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the nexus 7. One by one they latched on to Robsebil. Already weakened from his injury, Robsebil yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of badgers running off with his nexus 7.

But then God came down with His intelligent smile and restored Robsebil’s nexus 7. Feeling angered, God smote the badgers for their injustice. Then He got in His amphibious vehicle and darted away with the fortitude of 61 3-legged wallabies running from a enlarged pack of Indonesian devil cats. Robsebil fell with joy when he saw this. His nexus 7 was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in four minutes his favorite TV show, Jersey Shore, was going to come on (followed immediately by ‘When 3-legged wallabies meet gun’). Robsebil was contented. And so, everyone except Mist and a few weapon of mass destruction-toting long-haired sea monkeys lived blissfully happy, forever after

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